real time taste test.

Today i will be doing a real-time taste test / review.

Effectively, this means that i am writing my thoughts in real time, as i for the first time in my life taste a danish drink called “Hyldeblomst Smag Sukkerfri”.

The keen eyed, norwegian or danish speaking community might have noticed that the name of this product does not have a noun, but only adjectives.

That is beyond blasphemous.

Everybody knows a product needs to be SOMETHING. Imagine if a packet of ham was only called “meat flavoured no addatives”.

YOU WOULD WANT IT CONFIRMED THAT THIS INDEED IS MEAT.

Meat flavoured no addatives is not enough information to make any rational human being make this purchase.

Perhaps this is is how i find myself drinking this…

…Thing…

…Drink?…

Liquid.

That directly translates to

HYLDEBLOMST flauvour sugar-free.

Now, as I’ve been writing this so far, I’ve been eating some chips, so i am feeling quite thirsty.

But first, the smell test:

This smells like…

Ehh… I’m not sure i like it.

It kind of smells like some healthy skin-product.

It smells like a foot-ointment.

I can’t say i look forward to drinking this.

First i will pour some in my glass.

However, i am immediately noticing an empirical flaw in my review process.

I have already put water in my glass, so i will have to pour the Hyldeblomst flavoured liquid into my water glass..

Anyone who has dabbled in flavoured-drink-concentrates before will know that this is the wrong order.

The water comes in after the flavoury mystery liquid, because its easier to measure flavoured liquid in an empty mug.

Pouring the correct amount of flavour-liquid is ESSENTIAL for a successful thirst quenching experience.

However, I am yet again reminded of how thirsty i am. Here i go pouring.

Okay, i have now poured the flavour into the glass of water. The colour is a light tan - yellow. If the liquid was for example red, it would be much easier to eyeball the correct amount by the colour.

I will now take a sip. I am so thirsty.

MMMMM.

Hmmmm…

Ewwww…

Okay, first things first. The first thoguht (i will keep this typo in, because i think its funny) that comes to my head is that this is very sweet. It feels like there is a lot of sugar in this.

But “Sugarfree” is one of the few descriptions we get from the shit name of this product, so it cant be real sugar.

It really goes to show how far the artificial flavouring industry has come.

That makes me think i have put too much concentrate into the drink. I will now try to water it down by pouring some luke-warm water from a glass that has been sitting on my windowsill untouched for like two days. What could go wrong?

…

I spilled everywhere.

…

…  

Oh well, luckily only a little bit went on my computer, so i can keep writing the review.

I will now take another sip.

STILL SO FREAKING SWEET.

More water.

I luckily didn’t spill any more.

I also ate a palette cleansing barbeque flavoured chip.

With this additional glass of water, this is finally starting to taste o.k.

What even is hyldeblomst?

I need to google.

“Sambacus nigra is a species complex of flowering plants in the family Adoxaceae native to most of Europe. Common names incude elder, elderberry, European elder, European elderberry, and European blackelderberry.”

Okay this is unrelated to my current taste-test, but holy shit i hate the way Wikipedia writes about stuff. WHO WRITES LIKE THAT. Who is Wikipedia made for?? Its just such a horrible way to convey scientific information!!!! The way Wikipedia tries to remain objective and neutral in its language makes it into a jumbo mess of jargon that nobody - not even scientists can have any use of….

Anyway, back to the tasting.

Earlier i was on the fence but I’ve made up my mind.

Its shit.

I fucking hate it.

And since i refuse to throw it in the trash, i will have to drink a total of 12litres of it…

Why do i keep buying these…