trapped in time.

This blogpost was originally written september 2023.

Time passes at a subjective speed.

So how do i want to experience my time?

Slow or fast?

Do i want my time to feel long and dreadful, or fast & furious?

The human experience feels like a crazy compilation of different stages of life, that you can only distiguish in retrospect.

One chapter of life seemlessly gliding onto the next.

Life is going super fast, and always changing at a rapid pace.

I’m almost tired of having life changing stuff happen to me at least once a year.

Looking back, the last 4 years have gone super quickly.

Now i have a big collection of memories and experiences.

But they are distracting me from the fact that time is passing.

I will at random times become aware of this. Dreadful indeed!

I want to really experience every second.

I don’t want to be stuck in a perpetual flow state that i will look back at.

Most memories feel like a short while in my mind.

I biked from Trondheim to Oslo in a week. That week felt long when i was in it, but now it feels like a short weird story that i can tell in one sentence.

But the bodily experience of the time passing, while biking the norwegian countryside for days cannot be underestimated.

It felt bad at the time - and the hours and days spent on the bike felt like an eternity.

Maybe pain is the only path to slow seconds?

If I’m having normal fun, every second becomes indistinguishable from each other. Sometimes even hours can pass without noticing.

How can i make happy seconds last longer?

If you really need to pee and you need to wait for the toilet, every second is truly felt.

If someone is telling a story that just drags on for ages the time moves in super slowmotion.

How can i make happy seconds last longer?

I want my life to drag on. I want to feel every second of my joy, just like i feel every second of my pain.

All the terrible seconds last for a lifetime, and the happy seconds pass me by in the blink of an eye.

How can i make happy seconds last longer?

People talk about living life “intentionally” but I’m not interested in that.

I just want to truly feel and experience a lifetime.

I’m not talking about living life that is filled with a lot of stories. That entails the danger of passing through time too quickly.

I don’t want stories, i just want to really feel like I’ve lived so many minutes that its getting boring. I want to physically experience every minute in such a manner that i grow tired of experiencing them.

Just like when you’re on a never-ending car ride, or listening to a story that just drags on for ages, you truly feel time pass in a bodily manner.

That is how i want my life to feel. Like some horrible experience that just drags on until i don’t want it anymore.

I don’t want a fast life where i enjoyed everything so much that i forgot to feel time passing.

Time happens to me, and i am trapped in it.

-feel the pain.