where am i?

My friends want to go to the bar i think is shit.

Recently I’ve been trying to have less hate in my heart, so i make little to no resistance. I want to highlight positive things: not focus on the negative!

But still I can’t help myself from making a snarky remark to one of my friends. She doesn’t like this bar either. We’ve talked about it before.

While walking to the bar I asked her if the guy we met earlier is her boyfriend.

She says she is “inbetween boyfriends right now”.

LOL.

She’s in limbo.

What a life.

She’s neither here nor there.

Lost between two spaces in time.

She’s in that half blank page before the next chapter of a book.

Stuck between the worst part of a relationship and perhaps the best part of a relationship:

The end and the beginning.

I guess it’s true what they say about one door closing…

Something about another door…

“inbetween boyfriends”

Me?

Well…

I’m inbetween jobs if that helps.

My job is essentially just a side hustle.

Maybe some relationships are side hustles.

Dating a very independent person can kind of feel like that.

Like you’re someones side hustle.

Like you’re being hustled on the side.

The bouncer asks me for my ID.

I cant believe i have to show my ID to get in somewhere i don’t even want to go!

  I can’t wait to have a beer in my hand.

As i take out my wallet to pay the very kind man behind the bar, i realise i am absolutely sloshed.

My friend tells me she is drunk enough to dance.

I agree. MEEE too°°°°°….🥴

When drunk brain makes decision to dance, body goes into autopilot.

We walk into the basement, and god damn this place SUCKS.

There’s too much fog. Not enough people, and the music is also shit.

I start to wonder what i am doing with my life, but then i remember i don’t care about the grand scheme of my life.

IM TRYING TO WELCOME HAPPINESS HERE. I DO NOT CONSENT TO A TINGLING SPIDER SENSE TO PESSIMISM IN MY BRAIN.

Unfortunately I am not the captain of the ship that carries my thoughts.

At this bar, a few weekends ago two super hot chicks with croptops, boots and piercings were hitting on me.

My Italian friend saw one them first. He had dibs.

I didn’t mind, since they were terrifyingly attractive. The type of girls who would stop liking me when i start talking.

It was a nice confidence boost though.

I still get happy thinking about it.

External sources of happiness are my guilty pleasure.

If i experienced this kind of desire every weekend, i would probably also consider myself

“inbetween girlfriends”.

But I dont.

So I think I’m just lonely.